Saturday, March 17, 2018

We own the road

November 10, 2009 by  
Filed under Patricia's Journey

My mother and I are headed home from treatment #4. Mom is driving like we are in New York. I want to cover the license plate. She is more controversial than chemo! I told her I did not come this far to be taken out by my mother with too much zip on a meandering two-lane highway in Hawaii. She did not use that classic 50-60′s parenting line “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.” She didn’t need to…I was saying it silently to myself :) knowing she would do everything to protect me.

Me and Mom

Me and Mom at treatment #4

She is a driver from Iowa. I am a reformed driver from Iowa. If you are from the Midwest, you are already chuckling at the stereotypical reference. Iowegians like to drive with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. Helps cut down on reaction time, don’t ya know? They are notorious tailgaters. It is an unwritten law which allows tailgating (something about self defense) until it collides with the written law that says you can’t. You do not have to know by signage that you have crossed the border from Nebraska into Iowa. You will know by looking in your rear view mirror and seeing the whites of the eyes of the driver behind you. In Iowa, we don’t like to leave a lot of space between our cars traveling on the highway or interstate. Why would you want to leave space for someone to cut in front of you? No, no, no!  That would not be fair for someone to cut in front of you and get a car’s length ahead. It doesn’t matter than you will arrive at your destination just a nat’s eyelash ahead of the person behind you.  It’s just not fair. I heard the word fair a lot growing up. I heard it today. In Iowa we know the bumper on the car in front of you is there for a purpose. To bump. And to attach meaningful statements about life in the form of a bumper sticker. It’s not there just for looks. We don’t like to waste parts. Form without function? Not where I came from.

My mother likes to call drivers a whole spectrum of names ranging from Nincompoop (which is nice) and a new one this morning never before heard (which was naughty). I looked at her wide eyed and asked “what did you say?” When she repeated it, I asked “did you make that up?” Never before in my 53 years have I heard anyone use those two particular profanities together as an adjective for a fellow driver. But then, we own the road and all the others are being allowed to use it. It’s hysterical. There is one little-known law in Iowa that has nothing to do with driving, but you need to know it should you ever enter its borders. It is law that white tennis shoes go with everything.

I have an idea to find the zaniest bumper stickers on Iowa cars and trucks, and I know just who to call. One of my favorite brothers. The one who is a member of the Jeff Foxworthy Fan Club.

My sweet friend Lisa drove from Unity Church to Kaiser on her lunch break to hang out with us in the waiting lounge. She brought her love and the love of other friends with her. How Divine. I miss my marvelous circle of friends in Honolulu. My mother made a home in the waiting lounge from 12:15-2:00 pm with me and Lisa. Then she waited patiently by herself from 2-4:45 pm (well, Nora Roberts was with her.) Who is Nora Roberts you ask? You must not be from the Midwest :) At 2:30 pm I fell into a sound sleep until 4 pm. Mom called me at 3:30 pm and got my voice mail. There was an emergency in the oncology area; nurses and doctors were running through the closed doors to the area that included the treatment room. She wanted to make sure I was alright. It touched and moved me.

While in the lounge area, Lisa and I made some intermittent fashion statements as people walked by. Well, I made some fashion statements. She disqualified herself because she was wearing an man’s Aloha shirt she inherited from Rev. Sky. I did not see one pair of white tennis shoes.

Lisa Love

Lisa Love

My friend Jim sends me wonderful and zany, and oftentimes, wonderfully zany photos from his IPhone. Here is the one he sent today:

Jim's Christmas wish

Jim's Christmas wish

Yes, Jim, there is a Santa and he wants you to have it all. Right after I get my stuff.


6 Responses to “We own the road”
  1. Lisa says:

    I love it!! You are hilarious and I love that your humor is being shared. I can totally relate to the white tennis shoes–my mom wears them too! And it reminded me of my dad’s driving–I was always a little (maybe a lot) scared while riding with him because he followed so closely the car in front and would cut into spaces between cars that just didn’t seem big enough. So I’m glad you made it home safely. And it’s OK to use me whenever you are lead. Love You!

  2. Hi Patricia,
    It is so inspiring to follow your journey. Thank you for this wonderful site, a divine vehicle to share your divine self. Love to you and your mom.

  3. John Hume says:

    Hello Patricia,

    I’m a friend of Lisa from Columbus, OH and she tipped me off to your site and your amazing spiritual journey. So, now you’ve got a new fan from the midwest sending lots of good vibes and prayers.

    Warmest wishes and love to you,
    John and son, Alex

    • Patricia says:

      Blessings to you, John, for taking the time to let me know you are there!
      Much love,

      • Lisa says:

        John is a dear friend I’ve known for over 20 years. He and his son Alex are an amazing duo who truly live an incredible relationship between father and son. They both have always demonstrated unconditional love & support for me through the years. I believe you would really enjoy their company and even play some fun games. I always laugh when we are together and we usually play some type of game together. I’m glad you have now been officially introduced!

  4. Cyndi says:

    Patty, this is hilarious! God love you for your humor!

    I know all about the tennis shoes… I believe in the fashion. :) Unfortunately, my son does not believe in that fashion and my money goes into these “skater shoes”… what has our world come to? Now I must spend money on more shoes when tennis shoes should do it for everything!
    Now that I’m in Denver tho, I believe that hiking boots go with everything! Ha!

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