Sunday, April 22, 2018

It’s all about me

August 1, 2009 by  
Filed under Patricia's Journey

The past seven weeks have been extraordinary. Alexander is gone for the summer to be with Dad, Grandparents, and his dog Buddy. This is my time to reflect on what is happening to me and for me.  My summer vacation has been staying in my friend Sky’s condo on Waikiki.  It has been refreshing, revitalizing and luxurious.  It has been all about me… my mind, my body and my spirit. To be in the city, close to the energy of the church and with all my friends brought a feeling of contentment.  The ocean is my backyard.  After I park the car, it is a short walk across a beautiful park through a canopy of trees to the front door of the building.  There is only solitude on the other side of the front door.  My time and the space are completely my own.  I am extraordinarily blessed to be cared for in these ways.  Extraordinarily blessed.

Between my alternative care practitioners, I am in session 8-10 hours a week.  Uncovering, discovering and recovering anger, sadness and fear stored in my body from a lifetime of unexpressed emotions.  I am learning how to ground myself, how to listen to my body, how to let go of stored emotion.  There are sessions where I don’t know how I will ever get through this.  It seems a massive undertaking to unravel what feels like a lifetime of misguided thoughts.  Balance needs to be restored in my life.  Self-empowerment is emerging as I begin to take charge in caring for myself.

In the past, my primary occupation seemed to be a people pleaser.  Why is being a people pleaser undesirable? One must put off your own needs to put others needs first.  Unbeknownst to me, living life for the praise of others was a driving force.  It also leads to a guilt complex.  If you start taking care of yourself on any level, everyone else that is used to being taken care of by you will react.  How dare you be so self centered?  You should be a martyr and care for me!  How dare you put your needs first? And you feel guilty caring for yourself…up until now.  As of July 1, I have health insurance.  I no longer drink alcohol.  I am eating well. Balance is returning to my life.

My will aligns with Divine Will.  My mind aligns with Divine Mind.  From that place flow is created.  I rest in the arms of God and flow with the Divine purpose of my life.  I am being carried.  I am being supported, cradled, nurtured and cared for in a way I have always tried to accomplish by earthly means.  There is no comparison to being cared for by the Divine.  When I wake in the morning and open my eyes, I am at peace.  I am at once loved.  Not because there is anyone beside me or anyone outside of me speaking of love to me, about me.  It is inside of me.  It is ever present.  Isn’t that what we are all truly striving for?  That level of assurance of unconditional love in our lives?

From Morning Blessings with Rev. Angela Peregoff:

“You cannot create healing from an illness, for instance, if you are in fear of the illness itself and seek to create from that place. Nor can you create abundance from a place of money worries.  In either instance, you will have no ‘luck’ at all.  Creation starts from a place of LOVE.  Loving what IS, and loving what is to come!”

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