Saturday, March 17, 2018


May 27, 2010 by  
Filed under Patricia's Journey

If you are going to pursue alternative cancer treatment, what must you have?  Cancer, you say.  Right you are.   Starting to get the picture?

Here I am praying and talking with God about my expected miracle, my radiant health and the alternative treatments I am going to do once I stop chemo.  I still held a belief that chemo was not the solution and was just an end to a means, that being a bridge to alternative treatment.  Yesterday, I physically stopped in my steps when I realized that as long as I researched, planned and held onto the desire and need for alternative treatment, I was holding cancer to me because cancer would be required.  In that moment, I surrendered (again) to God’s Divine plan, purpose and Will for my life, which at this time is chemo.  Cancer could be like your fingerprint.  It seems to be unique to each of us.  What works for one, may not work for another.  I talked with God about freeing my mind to the knowing that chemo would be the end of cancer treatment for me.   No alternative treatment would be needed.  It became very clear I still had a strong resistance to chemo (it’s been a stubborn belief) and it was validated by people around me who believed it was not the answer as well.  All of it is God.

Karma.  I believe there is such a thing as karma, yet not as a punishment.  Not as a “you have to come back and do it again because you didn’t get it right the first time.”   As I contemplate the subject of karma, I do believe ultimately God is in charge.  Cancer is the quickest way for me to work out the life learnings I am to experience in this lifetime.   God designs what my life learnings are and at what time.  He doesn’t give me cancer.  My misalignment with the Laws of the Universe that our Creator sets up allow the experience of cancer.  Given that, I can make it easy or I can make it difficult.  Having lived the latter, I’m all about the former!

Thank you God for the chemotherapy that has made it possible for me to have the “time” to heal my mind and know You.   Thank you for the awareness to see the situation differently.  Bring peace to my mind in this situation.  Help me heal the illusion of sickness.  Use my body in the service of the Holy Spirit’s plan which is established for the good of everyone.   Today, I will accept the truth of what I am, and let my mind be wholly healed.  Let all the purposes that I gave my body be wiped clean, as the truth of who I am dawns upon my clear and open mind.   Let healing be through me this very moment as I receive the Word of God to take the place of all the foolish thoughts that ever were imagined.  I ask and receive freedom from fear.  Creator of All, I give the whole of my life to you.    Amen.  (inspired by ACIM)

Traveling at the speed of Light

Laurie and I made our last trip today from Punalu’u to Kaiser for chemotherapy.  She has been my faithful, loyal friend transporting me to Kaiser for treatment since the middle of March.  Always standing by ready to serve in love in whatever way necessary.  She is one of those Light beings that you feel better after been with them.  We are already making plans on how we are going to maintain our connection after I move into Honolulu on June 5. As she said today,  ”Even though we don’t have any more drives together, I still think we have a lot of bookstores, restaurants and movies to conquer together – not to mention good recipes to try.”   Be careful what you pray for…you just might get a friend like Laurie and be extraordinarily blessed.  How good can you stand it?!

A match made in heaven

Back a few days to what I call Crybaby Monday.  Cry, breathe, cry, forget to breathe, cry some more.  The trash had to be emptied just to keep up with the kleenex deposits. Tears, tears and more tears as I felt the sadness of Alexander leaving next week.  We have been together nearly every day the past two years and I am going to miss him so very much.  At night I had the privilege of reaching over and pulling the cover down when he became too warm.  When I got up in the middle of the night I would cover him back up as it became chilly.  This little thing I do comes from Mama Bear.  Does he know I do this during the night?   No.  Does it make a difference?  Maybe only to me.  It is my way of loving behind the scenes.  I give this love to you that has been given to me.  You might not be conscious of it, yet it will linger in and around you and it will subtly transmute any darkness.  You may simply feel lighter, more carefree and generous.  Surely, it is in a small way what God does for us always.  This little thing I do will never come my way again in exactly the same form.  It is what makes the moments so precious.

Graduate from 8th grade and get a "free" T-shirt from Mom

Tuesday was his last day of 8th grade and public education in Hawaii.  We celebrated by driving to Kaneohe on Wednesday.  Thankfully,  the energy was available to do so.  We stopped at the dentist, we shopped and bought and ate.  At Verizon, the purpose was to repair Alexander’s phone.  The result was new phones for both of us.  As Verizon has reminded me for months, I am eligible for an free upgrade with a credit.  Currently, there is an incentive to buy two phones, get one free.  I decided to downgrade from a smartphone to a multi-media phone just like Alexander’s.  The entire free offer cost $230 with a $100 rebate.  I love America!  However, things are never as they seem and the experience had nothing to do with phones or money.

The Universe’s gift to me of this endeavor was in observing my son work with the sales staff.  By this time, my energy was waning and just stepping inside any store selling technology frays my nerves on a good day.   Previously, I have tried to upgrade my phone on two occasions yet could not find someone who could deliver the information to me in a way I could manage with a brain on drugs and little interest in bells & whistles and a gas tank with no reserve.  The sales people speak.  I know this because I see their lips move!  Yet nothing lands.  Turning Alexander loose on the staff, I found a comfy sofa in the common area on which to observe and relax.  When he was ready for me, I went back into the store.  The salesman told me he had never worked with a young person with as much savvy, confidence and knowledge as Alexander.  He was truly impressed with his comprehension, questions, clarity and expertise.  Another salesperson said they have never had a parent step aside and let their child take the lead and commented on his maturity in handling himself and the staff.  While I have known Alexander had what I would call a knack for anything with a cable, I saw for the first time his knack is much more.  It is a gift and talent.  It’s why he loves being on the computer.  It’s not an addiction or a distraction.  It’s his passion.  He loves the creativity, the possibilities, the pure potential of genius and inventiveness.  I saw him with new eyes.

Playing with his new phone. Why, I ask?

“Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you’ve come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheerleading section. But I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I’m always here to compliment or assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you.”

~Abraham, excerpted from the workshop in Seattle, WA on Sunday, July 4th, 1999 #453

After Verizon, we went to the Food Court and of all the healthy and not-so-healthy selections, we chose….the not-so-healthy “Hot Dog on a Stick”!   It’s a hot dog…on a stick…dipped in cornbread batter…deep fat fried…a little ketchup mixed in with mustard for the condiment, and I ate the whole thing one slow bite at a time.  Remember when I blogged about eating hot dogs several weeks ago? My head was hovered over this hot dog as I ate and I didn’t see my friend Gerardo walking over to say Hi.  You would think I was having a religious experience, perhaps trying to see if I could make out a sacred, holy symbol embedded in the cornbread.  There wasn’t a lot of conversation between Alexander and me.  He said something about the fries being awesome. Surely someone has come up with a good tasting, healthier version of corn dogs. And even if they haven’t, do I really think an occasional corn dog will send me to the doctor?   If I stress about it, perhaps.  Am I wielding control over corndog intake to compensate for the lack of control in another area of life?   I’m laughing out loud!  Who cares?!  Corn dogs are back on the menu :-)  Along with Haagen Daz and Laurie’s homemade apple crisp and See’s chocolate & nut covered toffee.  When is the last time I had carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?

Alexander needed to go back to Verizon to ask a question, so we decided I would meet him at the car…and that is a blog for another day.

The car...right where I left it


7 Responses to “Connectivity”
  1. Jackie Hinton says:

    I am sitting here at my computer with tears coursing down my cheeks. This post is so beautiful – corn dogs and all. I laughed and cried. You, My Dear Friend Patricia, are a miracle in your thoughts and words and feelings. I see absolute beauty and am enriched by your sharing. I want to say “May all good things come your way” but there is no need. You are the good. You see clearly. I love you, Jackie

    • Patricia says:

      You could not have known how much I needed your message…or could you? Deeply, I thank you and cherish you.

  2. Jan Johnson says:

    Well, Jackie and Patricia—-kindred spirit moments here! Jackie has said it so beautifully, I can’t add anything to it, except another wonderous moment of our universal archtypes at work with Patty as the sculptor of the event.
    Love you P!

  3. Emily says:

    You could not have known how much I needed your message…or could you? Deeply, I thank you and cherish you.

  4. Emily says:

    I am sitting here at my computer with tears coursing down my cheeks. This post is so beautiful – corn dogs and all. I laughed and cried. You, My Dear Friend Patricia, are a miracle in your thoughts and words and feelings. I see absolute beauty and am enriched by your sharing. I want to say “May all good things come your way” but there is no need. You are the good. You see clearly. I love you, Jackie

  5. Gorgeous Girlfriend

    A Mother taking in the moment, loving every second….seeing a vision of the successful future for her son….knowing the bridge is “letting go” just for a time, confident that once the journey over that “bridge” is complete a new found joy, self fulfillment and total satisfaction will encompass the two of you in a way you could have never imagined. Kudos to both of you and God Speed!!

    Loving you both from afar!

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