Saturday, April 21, 2018

At least once a week I walk along the beach and say out loud to no one, “I live in Hawaii!” Grinning, I keep repeating, “I live in Hawaii! I live in Hawaii!”

It sounds as if I’m trying to convince myself it is my reality. I really do live in Hawaii.

punaluu-beachOn June 25, 2008, my 13-year-old son and I boarded a plane from Omaha, Nebraska for Honolulu, Hawaii having sold all our possessions the month prior.

Which reminds me. If you ever decide to make a brash move and release your possessions, do not leave your well-seasoned iron skillet behind. It is the only item I did not bring and wish I had. It was with me for 15 years. Longer than any relationship I’ve had with a man. I digress…

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to live on an island. As they say, be careful what you wish for. You may find yourself living in Hawaii.

There is something in my life that I did NOT wish for. I am experiencing cancer for the second time.

The first diagnosis came in December 2000. At the time, I was married, living in Omaha and Alexander was four years old. It was an early stage of breast cancer and a biopsy confirmed two cancer cells in a selection of 15 lymph nodes. I elected to have a lumpectomy in February 2001 and no further treatment.  Following the surgery, CAT & bone scans did not detect cancer in my body.

That experience compelled me to become devoted to my spiritual path. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, breast cancer is under nurturance of self and over nurturance of others–a lack of self love. That was my signature in life.

There was a pattern of extremely low self nurturing and nourishment of my physical body as a result of little self love. While I pursued a spiritual education, I did not become educated on complimentary medicines or nutrition. One must achieve balance on the spiritual path.

Focused so intently on my spiritual growth, I ignored the obvious needs of my body. In some circles, we have a saying that you can become so engrossed in Metaphysics that you “metafizzle”. There was nary a book I didn’t read or class or seminar I didn’t take toward my self improvement spiritually and emotionally.

Fast forward to October 2007. Scans and tests confirm the breast cancer has re-emerged and metasticized to the lungs, liver and spine. The diagnosis is Stage IV metastasized breast cancer.  The oncologist suggested to my significant other that I should get my affairs in order. He said if I chose to do so, they would administer chemo. If I didn’t respond, I would have about 60 days. Sixty days to remain on this planet. And, he added:

You may not respond to chemo. However, should you respond to chemo, it will be a matter of time before the cancer recurs and you will die from it. There is no cure for cancer. This is something you will live with and die from. We will use our treatments judiciously. It is a matter of time.

From October 2007 to March 2008, my body had eight chemotherapy treatments, and it responded beautifully. During treatment, I sought multiple arenas of support for my journey, including traditional Chinese medicine, essential oils, juicing, nutrition, vitamins and supplements, energy work and detox baths. My tumor marker numbers returned to normal.

The bleak prognosis moved me to action and I made a decision to intend a possibility–a possibility that this could create a new life out of one that clearly was not working for me. The Divine nudge and decision to move to Hawaii in June 2008 sprung forth from that.

It is now October 2009 and I find that cancer is the gift that keeps on giving! Recent tests have shown that there is increased cancer activity in the liver and spine. The good news is that breast cancer cells are not in the lungs and breast, and I am in a far better position than I was two years ago.

I have made the difficult decision to opt for chemo a second time. When the physical body is sick, you take care it. And as contrary a subject as it can be, chemotherapy can assist. Chemo can give you the time to address the many learnings cancer offers on the mental, emotional and spiritual levels.

By the time problems of a mental, emotional or spiritual nature manifest in the physical body, it often took years for them to be created. Healing can take time. In the Unity Church movement when we ask the question “how long will it take?” our answer is “it will take as long as it takes.”

As you can imagine, a cancer history that begins in December 2000 and brings us to the present nearly nine years later has a lot of information gaps. This is the short version in order to get this website and blog up and running.   God wants you to be a witness to the healing power of Divine Love and the power of the human spirit.

I’m still here fulfilling my God contract to move through this experience and share the message with the world that there is nothing going on in your body that is more powerful than the Power that created it. What I know without a shadow of a doubt is I’m not going anywhere (except to Greece when this is over). My service is here on this planet. God comforts me with this knowledge in my quiet time with Him.

On this day, I declare the possibility of being hope, inspiration and courage for people on a healing journey. I declare the possibility of peace and joy for myself.

This blog is a Divine Invitation to you to share this journey with me. Cancer has truly saved my life and continues to wake me up to the Truth that this life journey is about self-love, our connection to the God of your choice and our love for one another. This life is all about being connected to the Divine no matter what. No matter poverty, unemployment, injury, broken heart, etc.

My “no matter what” happens to be cancer.  What is your “no matter what?”   What is your cancer?

My experience has been that hope does not run deep with a cancer diagnosis. Sometimes it isn’t there at all. Many people have had a different experience. It has not been mine.

Through my journey, may you discover hope and profound faith for your journey, whatever it may be.

If you knew Who walks beside you 
on this way which you have chosen,
 fear would be impossible.

~ A Course in Miracles, Original Edition
CH 18, Sec IV Paragraph 26, 27, 28